The results of my color quiz, from http://www.colorquiz.com/:
Your Existing Situation
Needs, and insists on having, a close and understanding relationship, or at least some method of satisfying a compulsion to feel identified.
[okay, I can see this.]Your Stress Sources
Eager to make a good impression, but worried and doubtful about the likelihood of succeeding. Feels that she has a right to anything she might hope for, and becomes helpless and distressed when circumstances go against her. Finds the mere possibility of failure most upsetting and this can even lead to nervous prostration. Sees herself as a 'victim' who has been misled and abused, mistakes this dramatization for reality and tries to convince herself that her failure to achieve standing and recognition is the fault of others.
[uh. Whatever. This is the only section i think is completely wrong. Failure to achieve standing and recognition? The test appears to think I fel unfulfilled.]
Your Restrained Characteristics Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.
Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity providing no turmoil or emotional agitation is involved.
[see that thing about sexual pleasure depending on there being no turmoil or emotional agitation? Yup. Subsitute 'conflict' and you've got me all over.]Your Desired Objective
Needs a peaceful environment. Wants release from stress, and freedom from conflicts or disagreement. Takes pains to control the situation and its problems by proceeding cautiously. Has sensitivity of feeling and a fine eye for detail.
[Yup. Okay, me and everyone else in the world, but hey.]Your Actual Problem
Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of her hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. She is trying to escape from this into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, protecting her from dissatisfaction and lack of appreciation.
[Non-fulfillment of *what* hopes?]Your Actual Problem #2
Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on her resources. A feeling of powerlessness subjects her to agitation and acute distress. Tries to escape from this by relinquishing the struggle, and by finding peaceful and restful conditions in which to recuperate in an atmosphere of affection and security.
[hit the nail right on the head there. Youch.]
Reading the above, I nodded my head at some of it and shook my head at some of it...it's very relationship-focused. And, yeah, it's all about being overstimulated and overwhelmed. But i *knew* that.
That bit about escaping by relinquishing the struggle...yeah. I'm laying down my arms, saying, "Okay, you win", and retreating. I am saying, "Fighting this is not making me happy. Perhaps surrendering will make me happier."
And as much as i hate the thought of surrender...
I have a strong and solid belief in myself. I believe that what I want is right for me, that submitting myself into another's care will eventually lead to the annihilation of myself, my personality, my everything.
So I try to flee, a little bit...to find someplace quiet to rest and recuperate. don't give up.
A silly test...but it's given me stuff to think about.
vox diobolica is not going well. Bah. I need both celestial voices before I can write the human response to them.Fretting, however, will not help.
"I believe I can be honest in all other matters, but I already begin to realize that the core and center of my nature is love of the beautiful, a passion for the beautiful, and that it would not be safe to trust me with a moon that belonged to another person and that person didn't know I had it. "
—Mark Twain
