when you are thirstyyou drink anything; water, blood,
tears, all of those strange fluids
secret in the body. sliding
from innocence down the line,
down a scale into bass.when you are thirsty even rain
comes as a blessing; drizzle
wets the skin and collects
on the small hairs, you stand in a downpour
with mouth gaping towards heaven.But dampness is an eternal frustration,
a promise without fruition. Mud
torments you; aquariums and toilets
taunt without mercy. Everything
speaks to you in the language
of water, the shush and gurgle.when you are thirsty you might even
drink poison and call the dizziness
relaxation. when you are thirsty
another screwdriver always sounds good.when you are thirsty desperation
holds you, shakes you, blurs your
vision and plants cravings firmly
in your brain stem. the hideous fruit
comes later, when you've forgotten the seeds.when you are thirsty
water and vodka are indistinguishable
and neither satisfies.—4/19/99
just happened to go to http://web.cetlink.net/~papabear/Journal/Apr_Questions.htm today and the question for today is, "What are some of the phrases you heard as a child that hurt?"oh.
ow.
Where to begin?
"You'll never be able to get a husband with your looks, so you'd better be smart."
"Lazy girl! Get off your ass and do something!"
"Sneaky girl, can't trust you for a minute."
"it's your fault you're fat. You're so lazy."
"Quiet girls never get anywhere."
"Lazy and stupid. What are we going to do with you?"
"Children must obey their parents. Always."
"Little hippie girl, flowers in her hair, don't you know that was a long time ago?"
"Come here."
And seventh-grade girls can make the most innocuous of comments into insults.
"Where'd you get that shirt?"
"Niiiice shoooes."
"Why don't you let us fix your hair?"
"You talk too slow, you know."
"why do you talk so funny, anyway?"
Ugh. I feel kind of dirty now. And those are pretty mild--I know there was worse, but i don't remember it. I choose not to remember it. I don't need to face those voices again.
One of the absolutely impossible to reach light bulbs has gone out. i'm going to have to remember to ask my roommate's extra-special-super-tall boyfriend to change it.
"Besides, as one friend points out with a laugh, 'Some of the best sex I've ever had was cheap,tawdry, and meaningless.' I can hear the chuckles of my role models now, tarty girls in black leather and nasty boys grabbing their crotches. If everything as coated with a seal of approval, some of the fun would go out of it. Let's get away with something. Degrade me, baby."Talk Dirty To Me
outside: drizzly, icky
doing: fighting with ftp
to do: fill out COBRA form
words: Fool on the Hill
heavy rotation: Peter Gabriel, So
link: fission fizzles the sense of humor
energy level (out of ten): 5
dream: curling up, it is a new place but I am safe. I can smell a woman nearby, hear her sleeping breath.
