Alex is closing anthology.net.
This makes me sad. No, i'm not getting weird on her or anything, I just would have liked the chance to read through it again.
the lady with the coffee cupon the bus there was a woman
who asked her neighbor for a piece of paper
and then carried it, pacing a tight circle
in the back aisle of the busthese aren't demons. these are chemicals
for which there are names, crystalline molecular
faces, formulas. these are drugs, opiates
and neurotransmitters emitted by nerves
and brain, expressed in muscle twitch
and muttering.These aren't demons, but they feel like it;
fear and kissing cousin self-loathing, voices
from radios inside the head, the voice of god
for whom there is no denial.And no denial for me, whose screaming voices
have quieted, whose barriers have broken
with the application of the right chemicals.
I fear becoming you. I fear
because I understand; I fear because
I am far away, and getting farther. I fear
becoming what you are, though the demons
screamed differently for me.I fear becoming what I was.
Away up the hill, I am climbing,
the picture of health at the end
of the century. And away
I carry secrets into the morning.
velveteen girlnormality never looked so appealing.
to wake in the morning, and rise!
to make breakfast, to feed the cats,
to dress and walk to work, all so
ordinary! To make grocery lists
and call the dentist, to answer the phone
and eat with chopsticks.I am still learning the workings
of this ordinary life, of the whole heart
and the mind and willpower that together
raise me like a sail to the wind.
I am still learning the workings
and the rules of ordinary joy.I still walk in the maze and swim
endlessly in the lake of dreams.
But my outsides are refuges for desire
as well, my outer life no longer pulled
over me to shield the inner from harm.
I am a velveteen girl, loving myself into reality.And hands still cradle me, lifting me
towards a sun that shines warm,
water that speaks in its own language,
and all the others who speak mine.
she's like a baby, I'm like a cat
when we're happy, we both get fat and stillLife, in a Nutshell by Barenaked Ladies
outside: beautiful
doing: werkin'
to do: check county site
words: I finished Cryptonomicon!
link: Alex has a new address.
energy level (out of ten): 7
