Some nights, only 80's lyrics will do:
turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round.
turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears.
turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by.
turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes.
turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart.
turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart.turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild.
turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms.
turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry.
turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes.
turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart.
turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart.Bonnie Tyler -- Total Eclipse of the Heart
Okay, the rest of the song doesn't really apply, but that bit does.
So i finally identified the feeling that sometimes comes over me at night, when I'm by myself in my room, trying to sleep. And the feeling can be summed up in one word: lonely.
It's kind of weird, because in many ways I have an incredibly rich life that I feel immense gratitude for. I have friends and rewarding work, i'm not really lacking for anything, all is peaceful and the natives aren't really even restless.
There's just this little bit of longing, this sort of space in my life that seems to be marked, "Reserved". I only feel it when I'm alone, and I have something to say, and the only listeners are myself, my teddy bear, and the cats. And I feel it when i'm out in company, among coupled friends, and a part of me says quietly and sadly, I would like that, too. Not so much jealousy as a small and sincere wish, a wistful desire set amid a vast patience, the assurance that something will happen along sooner or later, and the desire not to repeat my errors, going for things I know aren't right to avoid that loneliness.
Lonely is...not pleasant. But it's not really that unpleasant. It's a small sadness, offset by the great joys of my life.
There are just some nights when it would be nice to hold and be held. It's actually good that i can be lonely again in this way, not the cavernous loneliness caused by the fear of abandonment. This the loneliness of wanting, not the loneliness of loss. And that one fact makes all the difference, to me.
I have needed the time alone. Now, perhaps, I really am ready to rejoin the rest of the human race.
By the way, have you seen the new front page for Madstop recently?
