Chris and I were talking late yesterday about facades.
He doesn't like his facade, and has decided to shut up and just live for a while.
Which, I think, is entirely admirable. But I can't do it. My first impulse has always been documentation, talking to myself and others in order to make sense of things and to remember.
The story of the journey and the journey are, for me, the same thing. I can't decide if that's healthy or not.
I'm currently feeling sort of cranky. I obviously need a good dose of something. Maybe I'll accost random people and demand that they give me a new drug. Of course, nobody would probably get it. "I need a new DRUG! Give me a new DRUG!" They'd probably think I actually wanted drugs.
I don't want drugs. i want the opposite of drugs. I want non-drugs. I want the thing that happens when you wake up and you're exactly on the edge of okay.
I also want to be able to explain this Idat thing to people. Nobody gets it, as far as I can tell. Obviously, i don't understand it well enough to be able to express it.
Oh, the other thing I'm thinking about today is a kind of retrospective on my relationships. I could do it. i certainly have had enough of them. Unfortunately, I think my revealing the deepest darkest secrets of my exes isn't something i should do right now.
I mean, it could get me in a lot of trouble...
But isn't that the point?