stone against skin
August 6th: my drug of choice
"a woman of uneasy virtue
—Syd Straw, Love, and the Lack of It
taking her chances when she can
sit on the edge of the bed explaining
her scars to yet another stupid man"
Dream:
Then the kitten and I went out on a boat on the lake, and she was running around like she owned the boat. A giant fish leapwed into the air in front of the boat and splashed everyone on its way down.
I dream about taking the kitten to the vet. Lillith yet again sprouted wings (what is it with this cat and wings!) and the vet said she was in perfect health, though the wings were "a trifle bizarre".
Reality:
the last boyfriend
(after Bukowski)my last boyfriend
was a big man, full-bearded
and masculine; everyone around me
wondered what I saw in him.i said diffident things about his mind
or his lips. but the truth
lay somewhere beyond that--he fucked me
like he hated me, and I got off
on that. And the muddy light
in his eyes reminded me of the dim light of my father.but, really, my last boyfriend
was something more than a stand-in for an abuser--
he was one himself, blaming me for all of his shortcomings
and all of the failures between us. and I accepted
because I am used to this from men. I have a large
space in my soul for blame
and I carry it wisely.after he left me, I stared for a while
into the place where the blame had been. experimentally, I
tried filling it on my own.then I emptied that place
and left it out to dry.
i have no more time for blame
and no more room
for muddy light
that's never enough
to see by.ksf, 1998
Sluggy Freelance's first birthday is this month. Come see!
the moment:
stone against skin
your assignment:
CD: Björk, Debut
Book: Last Night of the Earth Poems, Bukowski
Outside: blue angels blue angels sonic booms RUN!
Doing: updating documentation and combating boredom
Link: The Onion, of course!
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