gawddamn, but I'm having issues.Okay, no, I lie, I'm not having issues. I am actually okay, or at least I think I'm okay. I have a roommate (YAY!), I got a massage and my shoulders feel wonderful, I got to go out and see a movie last night.
The problem?
stupid free-floating anxiety. I am not an anxious person. I am not afflicted with the neurotic nameless fear that is so common in this society.
So why, when plans that I put into motion in December are finally bearing fruit, am I seized with this nameless, constant fear? I should be happy. I should be peering into my future with a determined smile and an devil-may-care attitude, because for once things are beginning to move as I would like them to move. most things, anyway.
neurotic nameless fear. If this keeps up I'm going to be a wreck in a month.
Saturday morning, 5:58 AM: I am woken by what I am certain is what the apocalypse will sound like. The wind (howling around the house all night; the water amplifies both the windspeed and the sound it makes) slammed against the house, the rain sounding like a million tiny projectiles against the windows and walls. The cats are awake, eyes glowing, tails puffed. My eyes are dark-adapted, and I get out of bed to make sure no windows are broken.everything is secure as I pad from room to room.
I remember that I have decided to make pancakes for breakfast. I carry this knowledge back to bed and fall into a deep sleep.
Went to see The Wizard of Oz last night. What a pretty, pretty movie.The book's better, though. still. Remember the funky green glasses you had to wear in the Emerald City?
Big Ass Storm headed for us tonight. Should be fun, especially if the power goes out. (storm snapshot taken at 3 PM)
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i found god in myself
& i loved her/i loved her fiercely—from for colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf
book: Burn, Bill Ransom
outside: mini-hurricaine coming, rock!
doing: scrambling for deadlines
link: Throat Sounds (this woman has an utterly amazing voice)
dream: I've been dreaming about my co-workers a lot. fretting or simple work burnout? who knows?