journey poem #30:
some day it all stops
two days, a month, ten years
in the past, it's all the same
irretrieveable distance the same
long strides I must take to visit
it—I am a
(different)
person from day to day, each
moment sliding past each black wave
rising away
and the way I am now is the way I
have been forever; that other person
was a stranger already lost
in the dark descending calendar
the boxes that mark my journeys
into my own personal seventh circle
perhaps this is a rising calendar
and perhaps I really am Idat the unmale
unfemale in my person more human
than any god/dess
each day I am made over
and some call it an advantage
(he never agreed)
and
never
wondering
give us this day our daily dark litany
(you are not good enough, sexy enough,
young enough, old enough, smart strong
sub dom het dyke glib cute girly
graceful healthy crazy loving loveable
ANYTHING enough you are a damp desire
for escape you read the wrong books
think the wrong thoughts you are just
wrong)
I was nothing with him
I will see what I am
(without him)
on this ascending calendar 4/13/98