I do not remember learning how to swim.I grew up swimming, it seems; the problem was always keeping out of the water, not coaxing me in.
i remember the first time I swam in the ocean by myself, though. It was a fair day at Seacliff, and both my parents were distracted so i ran streaking for the ocean in my little swim suit, across the hot sand.
Running through the breakers, judging the distance between the waves, i hurled myself in. The noise of the surf surrounded me and the chill water bumped at me, pushing me around. I ducked a wave and the salt stung my eyes; the next wave lifted me off my feet and I was swimming.
I knew, right off, that the water I'd swum in before had been contained and tamed and was no more than a cousin to this water. This water was vast and uncaring, and things swam in it by my kicking legs. I could feel the currents tug at me, and the waves rolling under me.
I relaxed and lay on my back, floating. I couldn't fight the ocean any more than I could fight my parents or the incomprehensible world. The water held me and comforted me, gripping and rocking me as I rolled in it. And unlike the world, I could understand this water that stained my lips with salt and brought sand into my hair.
Two rules for the ocean: those who fight drown and never turn your back on the sea. My ocean was the unpredictable Pacific, full of rip tides and poisonous critters, but I understood it as well as i understood anything. I would stay out for afternoons, coming back sunburned and with cuts and scrapes I'd gathered the day before well on their way to healing. I learned how to float with a purpose, never seeming to expend a lot of energy and moving slowly, but always getting to where i was going. I learned how to swim out of rip tides. I learned why nobody stands where the waves are breaking after a wave casually tumbled me head over heels, landing me in the shallows with a mouth full of sand.
And learning to swim in the ocean has taught me lessons that come in handy to the swordless.
Do not fight fate, but avoid danger gracefully and seemingly no more mindfully than a raindrop. But also never turn your back on it.
never turn your back on large and unpredictable things. If you do, they will teach you why.
I had a fabulous time this weekend. I met a girl i know from online, who happens to be beautiful, funny, and shares my fetish for office supplies, among other things.I feel as if I've just met someone who I've known for a long time...and I had a wonderful time doing so.
We went to a party on Sunday night at which i felt completely comfortable, enough so that I snuggled with some people who I don't really know. I've been loosening up over the past few months, letting myself trust people more and more, coming out of the shell i pulled myself into when all touch hurt and i thought everyone hated me. I almost recognize the person I see in the mirror. Almost. Still working on it.
I got my hair cut at the party, too. it's shorter than i've had it in years, and i think it looks pretty good. It needs to grow out a couple of inches before I can really put it up with any effectiveness, but it's so cute!
I love the Internet. Specifically, I love HomeGrocer.See, on Thursday, I realized that I really, really needed to go grocery shopping. as in, I had almost no food I could eat in the house. But I also knew that I needed to clean out the fridge before I went shopping, whcih rather frightened me. I just didn't have the time to do any of it.
So what do i do? i toddle on over to HomeGrocer, spend a half an hour picking out what I need, and schedule it to be delivered Saturday morning. Saturday morning comes, i clean out the fridge, and here's the HomeGrocer delivery guy with my food.
Ah, bliss. A clean house and groceries that didn't require a 3-hour production to obtain.
I am not your señorita, I am not from your tribe
in my heart, in my heart, in my heart I did no crime
if you want inside her boy, you're gonna have to make her raspberry swirl...Raspberry Swirl by Tori Amos
outside: It's still beautiful out
doing: taking pictures
to do: call J
words: Cryptonomicon
link: HomeGrocer
energy level (out of ten): 7
