Well, it's Saturday morning and I'm at work. I decided to caffeinate this morning, and I can feel it singing and humming in my hands and behind my eyes. I think I even got the doseage right--one big mug at home, followed by a big mug a bit later while I was waiting for Bartell's to open so i could buy a bus pass.
This is much, much better than the fatigue and achiness. I have to watch my intake, of course, but, man, anything that can help my brain chemistry is welcome right now. Whoever knows how to work (it certainly isn't me!) is busy proofing this book I'm working on.
I'm allocated for 68.5 hours next week. if all goes well, I'll be working all of them. Which means 1) I probably won't be updating every day and 2) I'm not going to be home very much at all. I need to take my bike up to the U District and inflate the tires tomorrow, so I can ride home on my lunch hour and walk Lady, since I don't think it's fair to leave her by herself for 12+ hours.
I should also do some cooking tomorrow, so I have things to take with me to work for lunches and dinners. Oh, and I should do tank maintainence, since i'm certainly not going to have the energy to deal with changing the water next week. And I should clean. *heh* At least my room and the media room, and probably my bathroom and the kitchen. Hopefully, i'll have the energy to clean my room tonight, which is the biggest thing that needs to be done.
Oh, yeah, and I have a column to write. Actually, i have two to write--the one that was due Friday (oops) and the one due next Friday. I just need to sit down and crank them out--one of them's going to be on how to design a Web journal, and the other should be something a bit more basic. Maybe something on how to put audio on your site, and how you should go about not annoying your audience with it.
By the time my vacation gets here, I am going to need it. I'm going to be grateful for the overtime pay, though. 30 hours of time and a half is nothing to sneeze at.
I met a potential roommate last night, and we're probably going to go for coffee today. She seems nice enough—she's the sister of one of my coworkers, and she loves animals. I might even be able to talk her into pet sitting while i'm gone.
Hmmm....this is weird. I can feel the fatigue under the caffeine, but I just don't care. i have an urge to curl up and sleep, but it's not as strong as the urge to keep at what i'm doing. I've got my shoes off and music playing, since Sharon and I are the only ones here, and it's just a Saturday at work.
I'm still slowly working on the next version of our present darkness. It's going slowly, since I've been depressed enough that there are things that are just too painful to write about right now, and I don't really have a lot of time to do it in. But, eventually.
*sighs* I wish I had hope. i really do. There's this vacation, which will culminate in a singularly painful goodbye. And after that....nothing. Nothing to wait for, nothing to hope for. just years on end of doing the same stupid things, having no friends and nobody to love.
i was told yesterday that it was good that I have no friends and no relationship prospects...because i'm unfit for human company. apparently, people who are hurting don't deserve love and caring.
I wish I could say I didn't believe it.